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Mikey bought two horses but could never remember which horse was which. A neighbor suggested that Mikey cut the tail off of one horse. So Mikey does, but the other horse soon got his tail caught in a bush and they had to cut its tail off too. The neighbor then suggested that Mikey notch the ear of one of the horses. Mikey being at his wits end did exactly that. Unfortunately, the other horse got his ear caught in some barbed wire fenced and as luck would have it, his ear got notched too.
Having fun with Mikey was one of his neighbor’s passions, so he then suggested that Mikey measure the horses for height. Off Mikey goes to measure the horses and is happy to find that the white horse is two inches taller than the black horse.
Mikey goes to his office one morning as he did most mornings, even though we all know Mikey doesn’t really do anything. In any case, he is sitting in his office crying when his assistant comes in and asks him what is wrong. Mikey says, “earlier this morning, I received a phone call that my mother has passed away.” “I’m so sorry” his assist says, “maybe you should go home for the day.” However, Mikey refuses because he said he would feel better doing something and keeping his mind occupied.
A little later, Sally hears Mikey cry and out is sobbing in his office again. She runs in and asks him, “What happened now? Are you going to be okay?” In between sobs Mikey looks up at his assistant and said, “I’m sorry but my sister just called and it has been a bad day!! Seems her mother just died too!!”
After a long hard day of nothing to do, Mikey decided that he would go to the local watering hole to get a drink. Secretly he hoped one of his buddies were there so that he wouldn’t have to pay for a drink. To his disappointment, Mikey didn’t see anyone he knew so he sat down at the bar and began watching the news. Mikey became interested in the 6 o’clock news when they showed a man was on the Brooklyn Bridge and was threatening to jump. The bartender, knowing Mikey, came up to him and said, “betcha $50 he jumps.”
Mikey thought about it for a second and said okay. A few seconds later, the man jumped from the bridge and disgustedly, Mikey takes a fifty out his wallet and hands it to the bartender. The bartender says to him, “naw Mikey, I was just messing around, I can’t take your money.” When Mikey asks why, the bartender explains that he had already seen the news at 5 o’clock and knew the man would jump. To which Mikey promptly replied, “Its okay, a bet is a bet. I saw the 5 o’clock news too, I just didn’t think he would jump again.”
When he returns in two weeks he has lost an astonishing 20 pounds. “That’s amazing,” says the doctor, “Did you follow my instructions?” Mikey says, “yeah Doc, but on the third day I thought I was going to die.” “From hunger?” asks the doctor. “No,” says Mikey, “From all the skipping.”
and his buddy Bill are out hunting in the woods, when all of a sudden, Bill collapses. His eyes have rolled up inside of his head
and he does not appear to be breathing. Mikey grabs his cell phone and immediately calls 911. “911 Emergency, What is
your emergency,” the operator answers. Mikey is gasps, “My friend Bill is dead!! What can I do?” In a smooth and calming
voice, the operator tells Mikey, “Take it easy sir. First, let’s make sure he is dead.” For a brief second there is a
silence and then the operator hears a shot. Mikey comes back to the phone and says to the operator, “Okay, now what?”
Another time, Mikey joined the library and was excited to get his first book. After browsing indecisively for hours, he finally decided on a big book and took it home. Several days later he returns to the library and slams the book angrily on the counter. He turns to the Librarian and says, “this book has too many numbers and characters and it was really boring. Give me something more interesting.” The Librarian looks at the book and calls over her shoulder to her assistant, “hey, Ruth, you can stop the search, we’ve got our phone book back!”
Mikey decided to move out to a farm. He didn't get many visitors, so I went to see him...when I got there, he was standing stiff as a board, out in the middle of the cow paddock. I yelled out to him, and asked what he was doing standing out there all still and straight. He replied that he was trying to win a Noble Peace prize. I said, "Well, that's great, but what are you doing in the paddock?" He replied, "I was reading the newspaper, and it said all you had to do to win the Noble Peace prize was to be outstanding in your field."
An Arlington police officer stopped Mikey the other day for speeding and asked him very nicely if he could see his license. Mikey replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"